Arr Eye Pee: Emm Jay

...and children everywhere breathed a great sigh of relief. Yes, that's right. You heard the news right, Michael Jackson is dead. Unlike when I first heard that Steve Irwin (the Croc Hunter) had died, I did NOT bust out laughing. Irwin's death was just ridiculous, the circumstances not the fact that he died. M.J.'s death was like karmic retribution, and although unexpected, not really that surprising. I had no idea he was going to die today, but like Hunter S. Thompson committing suicide, it wasn't that surprising. He was a mostly dead, walking plastic surgery zombie as it was (Jackson not Hunter).

However, just for the sake of theorizing conspiracies, and so I can legitimately say "I told you so" when the time comes, I'm going to go ahead and call it now - He's not dead. I don't mean this in an Elvis is still alive and hanging out in a Nevada trailer park kind of way. He's going to pop up again in about 6 months, he'll face charges, people will be outraged...but he will have gotten out of his contractual obligation for those 50 some-odd performances he had no intention of doing at the O2 Arena.

In the event that Mr. Jackson really did croak, well I'm sorry for the pain his family is going through (the video of Jermaine giving the press conference was kinda hard to watch), but it's really about time he stopped being a menace to society, and I don't just mean pedophilia.

To show I'm not a completely heartless bastard, I was sad to hear that Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon had passed away. I'll actually miss them.